Defining and Measuring Relationship Satisfaction
Relationship satisfaction is an individual's subjective evaluation of their partnership, and it is the most commonly used indicator of relationship quality. Among the measurement instruments in wide use are Spanier's Dyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS) from 1976, Hendrick's Relationship Assessment Scale (RAS) from 1988, and the Couples Satisfaction Index (CSI) developed by Funk and Rogge in 2007. Relationship satisfaction is not a single dimension but is composed of several aspects: emotional satisfaction, meaning the emotional connection with the partner; sexual satisfaction, meaning the quality of physical intimacy; communication satisfaction, meaning the quality of dialogue; and satisfaction with conflict management, meaning the effectiveness of problem solving. Research treats relationship satisfaction as a concept distinct from relationship stability, that is, from not separating: there exist couples who maintain a relationship despite low satisfaction, and couples who separate despite high satisfaction.
Predictors of Relationship Satisfaction
Meta-analytic research has identified the principal factors that predict relationship satisfaction. Among personality traits, low neuroticism and high agreeableness are the most consistent predictors. Among attachment styles, secure attachment is associated with the highest satisfaction. As regards patterns of communication, Gottman's research shows that the ratio of positive to negative interactions, at five to one, and the absence of the four warning signs both matter. Other predictors include sexual satisfaction, a sense of equity, the degree of commitment, shared leisure activity and the quality of the social support network. Interestingly, there is also a body of findings suggesting that perceived similarity in a partner's personality, meaning the feeling that the two of you are alike rather than actual measured similarity, predicts satisfaction more strongly than similarity of personality itself.
Change Over Time and the Work of Maintenance
Relationship satisfaction changes over time. As numerous longitudinal studies show, it tends to be highest in the early period of a marriage and then to decline gradually thereafter, in what is described as the decay of the honeymoon effect. Satisfaction declines in many couples following the birth of a child in particular. This decline is not inevitable, however, and it can be prevented or reversed through deliberate relationship maintenance behaviour. Gottman's research shows that the accumulation of small positive interactions in everyday life, such as expressing gratitude, showing interest and physical contact, is what sustains satisfaction over the long term. On the basis of Aron's self-expansion theory, novel experiences undertaken together contribute to revitalising a relationship. Satisfaction is better read as a curve that rises and falls across years than as a score taken at a single moment. Falls tend to cluster where the arrangement of daily life changes, as it does with the arrival of a child, and a low stretch in such a period reads as the load of that period rather than as a failed relationship. What holds the curve up is less a matter of large decisions than of small repeatable acts: saying thank you out loud, putting down what you are doing while the other person is speaking. So when the sense of decline is there, one place to start is counting how many of those acts are still left in the present week.